Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
