she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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