singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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