In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Let's get the cat blown out
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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