It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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