You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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