arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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