Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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