it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize