You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
