I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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