I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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