Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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