fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
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I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
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That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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