Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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