i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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