Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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