perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
