Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
