I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
