i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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