I think my fart just growled at me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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