just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I wear drunk well.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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