Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
