I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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