fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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