He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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