OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
