I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize