I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
