I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
