This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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