You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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