toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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