I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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