He uses pillows to masturbate.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
