normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
