I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
