we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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