I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My vagina just clenched in fear
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
