ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
