I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
