So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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