i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
