I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
