I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
