I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
