I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
