You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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