no, he came in my armpit
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
