I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
