my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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