I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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