Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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