Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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