Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
