She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
