i think my mom watched the whole time
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
