He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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