the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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