I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
being pregnant is like rehab
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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