What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
