forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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