What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it glows. i had to have it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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